It is nearly time. Time to go back to India. It is happening too quickly. More quickly than I would like it. I will have to wrap up my Tel Aviv home and begin afresh in a new city very soon.

While I am surely looking forward to the move, I am also anxious about it. I felt similarly about my move to Tel Aviv, but for different reasons. I was looking forward to new experiences and was anxious about what life would be like without a full-time job. When I return, I am excited about having the opportunity to go back to work and at the same time I am anxious about the job search.

I spent the last two years developing new hobbies and generally investing my time in self-development. My social media presence will show that during this time I travelled far and wide – an indication of my exciting life. Yet, I went through phases when I felt worthless and insignificant. Most days I spent at home revolved around deeply disturbing thoughts about the prospects of my career and general speculations about all the bad, make that really bad, things that could happen.

I did experience many highs, and that is the part of my life that people see on social media. But many days were dominated by the lows when I worried about rejoining the workforce after a two year break and generally feeling miserable about myself. During the same time, I was seeking validation for my writing and photography, but because of my lack of social networking and marketing skills, I hardly had any success.

On days like that it was hard to see myself and love myself for the person I was. Despite telling myself that I am more than what my resume says about me, all that hardly matters when everywhere you go you are faced with the question – what do you do? I struggle to justify my presence and finally the words come out awkwardly – ‘Um.. my husband, he.. he is a research scholar at the university… I am … with him.’ 

Then there are days when the gloom vanishes in an instant thanks to a random act of kindness from an unexpected source. A simple gesture like a text or a mail from someone makes me recognise my self-worth. Trivial acts that probably mean very little to the giver/sender but mean the world to me.

I am thankful to all those people who showed me grace. Unknown to them, each of them made me feel like what I was doing mattered, or simply that I mattered. None of them needed to say or do what they did, still they did. In the case of some of them, I was not even closely in touch with them, yet they made a simple gesture that had a profound impact on how I saw myself.

They showed me grace. I received good things from people even though I did not earn any of it. They showed me that they valued me for who I am.

These are some of the people to whom I am thankful

M reintroduced me to reading. Reading books had become a luxury during the last couple of years before I took my break from work. I read maybe six books a year, even that could be an overestimate. I hardly found time for self-development while I was working and reading was the first of my hobbies to suffer. M intervened at the right time and got me back in the groove. Never judging me for not having read some of the classics and culturally significant books, M recommended books to me on a monthly basis. This year alone (Jan 2016-July2016), I have read 29 books.
Thank you, M!

S made the suggestion that I join Instagram to showcase my photographs. It was something I had never considered, but it turned out to be one of the best things I did for my photography hobby. S also offered constant encouragement for developing the hobby.
Thank you, S!

Reconnecting with P was serendipitous. P is one to whom I have been thankful since school. She was friends with me at a time when I was being bullied in high school, and for that I can never thank her enough. It is great to have a sane presence back in my life. P encouraged me to write and more importantly, she read what I wrote.
Thank you, P!

J asked me to contribute a couple of pieces to her newspaper. This was by far the biggest vote of confidence that I received over the last two years. At a time when I had pretty much resigned myself to being that person who is no more relevant in professional circles, J showed me that I had a chance.
Thank you, J!

Social media brought me love from friends with whom I had lost touch. K made it a point to let me know multiple times that my photographs were well done and that they were appreciated. I was chuffed to bits and overwhelmed by K because here was a person who not just clicked on a heart or a thumbs up, but took the effort to put down in words how he felt about my photos.
Thank you, K!

And then finally, there were those Instagram aggregators who showcased some of my photos on their feeds. It seems like a really small achievement, but the thrill that some random stranger found your photograph worthy to be shared on their profile is no small thing.
Thank you, Instagram aggregators!